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Sunday, April 15, 2007

I feel so awful now...I truely regret my actions...ytd i went to club with A and other frens...were the only ger among them...but i know all of them in school so things were not so akward...dance and drink alot...apparantly me and A are close frens compared to the others...rafter a while of dancing we decide to have a drink...before that A has already drank quite a bit...so after our flamin lamborgini...A was abit tipsy...at the dance floor he was already knocking onto other ppl and i have to apologise to them...i was okie with apologising on A's behalf...so to prevent him from knocking onto others...i tried hold A back whenever he was losing his balance..everytime i hold him back i got pushed by A...I tried letting A know that he has been knocking into ppl but instead i got a scolding by A...i admit i was quite pissed so i change place with 1 of the other frens...than i think the other could not handle too so i changed back...at one point A was about to collaspe so i held on to him..okie..i was abit holding him...i didnt tell anyone but the next thing i know is that he turn and :x on my cheeks...i was stunned..before i can regain my stunness...he pushed me away again..i was feelin very contradicting from the moment we left the club to the nearest MAC...i was pissed at the fact that A keep pushing and scolding me while i'm trying to help him but i can't be angry with A cus i know he is drunk and is not his fault...but i guess anger got the better of me...after a while when A was more sober...he was talking to me but i choose not to reply cus i need time to getover the anger...so i told A straight that i was pissed with him...he was like what did he do...i told him that while helping him, i got pushed and scolded by him..i know he felt bad...so i was like saying...'if i wan to be a bi*ch, i can say smthing till he loses face'...A was like saying 'jus be a bi*ch and say...i wan to know'...so i said wad i saw and his frens were making fun of him...by then i was feeling not that pissed anymore...cus after all we are good frens and i know is not his fault...i was feeling abit tired so i was trying to sleep...A keep using the bottle to disturb me..so i was like trying to hit him...A turn his face to indicate that if i dare i could slap him...i dunno wad came abt but i hit him on his cheek...and was quite a loud one...he didnt say much after that and continued to joke around...but after a while he went back to sleep ...i was thinking about the slap and i feel bad...as in real bad...so i was feelin guilty...i was scolding myself why i did that...i became feeling akward talking to him...so i kept quiet for a while...than i realise that he was also beginning to avoid me...i mean if i was the only one who felt it...maybe i was sensitive...but even his frens were also thinking why suddenly me and him became so distance...we took a mrt from clarke quay...i was walking abit fast cus my legs were starting to ache...and i wan to reach the platform a.s.a.p...went into the train saw a seat and sat there...i never realise that there was not enough seats for all of us...so they say proceed further in...but i was too tired to shift so i told them is okie...they can go ahead...afterall is only 2 stops...by then A was avoiding me very obvious...partly i dare not make the first move...so we were practically not talking...we reached JE for breakfast...wasn't having much appetite so didn't finish up the bread i ordered...i kept quite silent the whole time..partly tired and partly akward...as in not akward with the group but akward with A...i was thinking of apologising to him regarding the slap but i dare not do it...and i dun wan this to affect my friendship with him...cus he is one of my good frens...this is the first time that i hit a fren...i'm feeling all so guilty and bad....i went to bed straight after a bath when i reached home..after i wake up i sent him an apology sms...and not heard from him since...i wan to think that is because he is slping so there is no reply...but whether is that case i seriously dunno...